Breathless♥July 1, 2006♥ prev/next♥
I feel...suspended. As if I were one of the petals from the cherry trees outside my window, poised to fall from the blossom, a surrender to the wind, to go rippling downward into the unknown. It's an odd breathless feeling, with everything moving in impossibly slow motion, every last sensation plunging through me like an otter in a stream. I feel as though I have been picked up and placed outside of the ordinary movement of time and space.
I don't know what's happening. I've never felt this before, this strange feeling that's at once calm, serene even, and vividly explosive, this sweet aching longing that is at once a fierce desire to not tread upon that path again. I am half empty, missing something, and yet I am an overflowing crystal chalice.
I'm a completed cycle of something. What, I don't know. Somehow, something is completed within me, whenever...
...Whenever that missing part is there.
I'm so calm. So calm. It reminds me of the ocean when my sister and I went out, just the two of us, one morning several years ago. It was almost like glass. The water was so calm, so gentle, so endlessly serene and cool, the light of the dawn casting the brightest hues I've ever seen over it. It was so placid we swam out past where the waves were breaking and just floated on our backs, gently rocking back and forth in that achingly sweet push-pull, push-pull of the water. I feel like the ocean was on that morning. So much is going on inside my head, so much is going on inside my heart, and I'm perfectly calm. Simply poised, waiting for something.
My dreams are jumbled. I go to sleep--when I sleep--perfectly calm and awaken with equal calm.